Want A Social Vancouver? Why It’s Your Fault If It’s Not
If you’re one of the many men criticizing Vancouver women for being “unapproachable”, I’m sorry, but you have no balls.
I see many articles about how cold the dating and social climate is in Vancouver. I hear rants on how “difficult” dating in Vancouver is and how “women in Vancouver are unapproachable.”
The truth is this is a convenient little lie. Why? Because it’s easier to blame other people than look at ourselves. If other people are “unapproachable” then we just don’t have to approach. Problem solved!
Where exactly did this idea come from? Often I hear it come from men and women who take the A-typical route when trying to get dates. They will go to the bar, or maybe some sort of meetup group so they can try to play tennis and fall in love, maybe on the same serve.
These are the same men and women who walk outside everyday looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact, not talking to people in the cafe line up, and snubbing anyone who dares break protocol and actually does try to start a conversation.
Opportunities are passed up every single day.
Is it true that people in Vancouver are cold, unsocial and unapproachable? Only because the people who complain about people being cold, unsocial, or unapproachable, are the ones who are cold, unsocial, or not approaching. I cringe when I hear this perception about Vancouverites because I know from personal experience how easy it is to get dates just by approaching someone new and starting a conversation.
In other words, it’s you, stupid.
You’re the one who needs to become warm, friendly, social and making an effort to connect in order for other people to be warm, friendly and social with you. Duh.
There are some people who are attempting to make Vancouver become more social, such as in the “Say Hi” event which happens once a year. People put on a big name tag, meet at the library in a big group, and then walk around introducing themselves. I was told this event was so “People can introduce themselves to the cafe workers, neighbours, and other people we don’t normally make an effort to connect with.” In my own case I do this as a matter of lifestyle, and not part of a special event.
I chat up the barristas at the cafes I go to, get their names, introduce myself, and then make a point to REMEMBER and use their names the next time I see them. Watch the expression on someones face when you use their name after only having met them once. You just became the coolest person around.
So if you feel it’s not friendly here first look at yourself. If we want Vancouver to be a warmer friendlier place then we’re the ones who have to be warmer and friendlier, end of story.
But what do we do when we encounter truly unfriendly and antisocial skunks? You keep smiling anyways. Don’t let others control your demeanour. You’re responsible for how you feel and should be dictating your emotions based on what you want out of the day. If you meet unfriendly people stay friendly anyways. A lot of these social icebergs will melt when faced with someone who doesn’t respond negatively to their mood.
There is another side to this coin as well. If you’re someone who isn’t used to creating conversations randomly (and consistently), or you’re a man who has never approached a woman cold then there is a good chance that you may be awkward and lacking in some necessary confidence and finesse. The only way to make up for this lack of experience is to go out and get the experience, and suck it up if it doesn’t go well. Lick your wounds and move on.
Women in Vancouver are just as social and easy to talk to as anywhere else, but if you’re a man who thinks this isn’t the case then you just haven’t stepped up to make it happen.
This isn’t to say that women can’t make the bold first move to meet someone who catches their attention, they can, but men are going to be waiting till we have hover cars for this to happen (maybe longer). And if you’re a woman who doesn’t like the timidness of too many men here, maybe you should try creating your own situations to meet men you might be interested in.
Start chatting people up and you will experience a dramatic shift in your perception of how friendly Vancouverites are. You will even start getting some dates, making new business contacts, and friends.
If it’s too difficult for you to make this happen on your own, click the link here and send me your questions and comments.
Guest post by Eddy Baller – Men’s Social Lab “Dating Success For Men”
Eddy brings a unique perspective to the table on social interactions having learned through cold approaching and dating. He discovered that the very same social skills and confidence he used for meeting women also applied to creating powerful business connections, and could be used to connect with people in any situation.
He now teaches these same skills which helped make him highly successful in the dating world to entrepreneurs and sales people who want to overcome the fear of rejection, make more sales, build their confidence, and create new connections everywhere they go.