The Top 5 Ways To Avoid Regret In Dating And Meet Anyone Anywhere
Ever felt regret because you didn’t talk to someone whom you were super attracted to? You’re not the only one.
According to recent studies by the university of Texas and the University of California, Los Angeles, the top three regrets for men were….
“being too shy to make a move on a prospective sexual partner (27 percent), not being more sexually adventurous when young (23 percent) and not being more sexually adventurous during their single days (19 percent).”
So why do men find themselves with so much regret from not attempting to talk to a potential partner? And more importantly, what can you do to make sure you’re not one of the guys who ends up regretting his love life?
Learn The Top 5 Ways To Avoid Regret For Actions Not Taken
I can only imagine how horrible it would feel to go through your whole life only to end up regretting not taking action.
We don’t have control over what other people do, and we can’t control the end result of an action, but by not taking action countless men are missing out on opportunities with potential dates every single day. Not only that, but countless women are also missing out on a chance to meet great partners just because of shyness, and the fear of rejection.
I’ve had countless clients come to me because they simply felt stumped when they saw an attractive woman in the streets and they “just didn’t know what to do.”
So what do you do when a potential partner strolls by while you’re having your morning coffee? Better yet, what can you do to build the kind of confidence it takes to approach a complete stranger?
Below is a list of things you can do right now to change the results you’ve been getting, and ensure that you are not one of the men (or women) who ends up regretting not engaging potential partners because of the fear of rejection.
You really only get one chance in life to make it or break it, so take this advice to heart and follow through with action. That’s the only way you can get a result and design your love life the way you want it.
#1 Talk To Everybody
Don’t miss opportunities to be social with everyone. The reason being that you will build up your social skills, develop strength against shyness, and create real opportunity’s when you see someone who could be your next partner. This is the simplest thing you could possibly follow through on. Start by saying “good morning” to everyone you pass by while walking down the street, or if it’s not the morning just say hi.
Push it farther than that and start engaging in real conversations with the people who serve you when you are buying groceries or anything else at a store. Don’t just say “hows it going” or “hi”, everyone says that to them and it doesn’t create a dialogue. Open them up by observing what they are giving off emotionally. Is he/she looking tired? Depressed? Make a comment on the hard day they must be having, or throw in a joke based on your observation of their grumpy face.
I was buying some food at a grocery store once and the check out girl looked like she either hated me, or she hated the world and everything in it. I made a simple comment with a friendly smile on my face “Looks like you’ve had a rough day.” She opened up right away, and it turned out that she had the flu AND she was dealing with her final exams and was stressed out because of it. On top of that she was working. Just by making a simple comment based on my observation of her body language I opened her up, put a smile on her face and had a bit of a chat before heading off. You can brighten someones day easily just by acknowledging that they might be feeling a bit rough.
It doesn’t have to be about bad feeling either though. Start conversations with store clerks who are brimming with happiness as well. It’s as easy as commenting on your observation of someones emotions, or any number of other things that might be going on at that moment. The store clerk will get a real conversation and treated like a human instead of a store robot, and you will build up some social momentum that will carry on to other situations. This is also the best way to get a date with a store clerk as well, you will just have to change the sexual dynamic (Body language is key here, stay tuned for future post)
#2 Make Eye Contact In The Street
Do you walk around looking at the ground? Stop it right now. How can you expect to engage potential partners when you’re looking at Vancouver’s wet sidewalks?
I see this all of the time. People walk around with a sort of gloom on their faces and avoid eye contact at all cost. It seems like most Vancouverites would rather see a dogs anus than catch a smile from a passerby.
Eye contact is a powerful tool for both men and women to make connections. If you’re afraid of just walking up to someone cold then consider eye contact to be a warm invite to chat. It will take some practice, and in the beginning you will miss many opportunities because you will most likely look away as soon as you lock eyes with another human being. After a some time however it will get easier and easier to maintain strong eye contact with strangers, and as a result you will be able to open a lot more conversations with random attractive strangers in the street.
You will have to move quickly when you do receive a warm eye to eye invite because the moment will be fleeting. I can’t count how many times I’ve missed opportunities because I wasn’t paying attention, only to receive that love lock with me turning away quickly either surprised or being shy. These kinds of opportunities pass by lightning fast and you have to pay attention to what’s going on around you, and be willing to act when the opportunity does arise.
How can you start a conversation after receiving a telepathic stare? At this point you need to open your mouth and say something. What you say is not so important as how you say it, or that you say anything at all. Always choose to take action over not taking action and you will start accumulating results (and dates). You can start the conversation with a simple hi and an introduction. You’ve already been invited to chat so don’t worry about saying something “perfect.”
If you’re a man wait for the woman to smile first then reciprocate. If you smile first she will most likely look away and the moment has been lost, and you end up standing there looking like Jack Nicholson. If you’re a woman catching the glance of a man of interest then flash a smile to show that you are interested. Unfortunately most men will not follow through and chat you up, but this is an easy way to screen out the cream of the crop. Assertive men will follow through and not just walk away.
#3 – The Cold Approach
This is my all time favorite way to meet attractive strangers and get dates. It can take a lot of practice but the end results are more than worth it. As much as it may be uncomfortable to face possible rejection, the only way you will ever know if “it was meant to be” is if you step outside of your shell and just reach out to strangers who have caught your interest.
I have gotten countless dates, and created real relationships which would of never happened without me using the courage to cold approach a complete stranger in the street.
I’ve heard from numerous women about how the men here don’t approach. If you’re one of those men not making the effort you are missing out on a whole other world that will open endless possibilities with women. Not only will it build your confidence to meet women, but it also will reinforce confidence for networking, making friends, trying new things, and a general robust inner strength that will help you be more assertive in all situations to get what you want.
I’m talking about raising the bar for the quality of your entire life. If you can’t “reach out and touch someone” because of fear then it undoubtedly is affecting other areas of your life where being bold and assertive are necessary to make things happen.
One advantage of cold approaching in the street is that most guys are not doing it. That gives you a major advantage if you decide to step outside of the comfort zone to meet women. In the bar guys are loaded with a false sense of courage because of alcohol and the social party environment. The end result is a lot of competition, most of which is just annoying the women at the bar making it even more difficult to create genuine connections. On the street in the day you can be a guy who stands out easily just by making the simple effort.
It’s not just for men though. As a woman you can also make that strong first impression by reaching out to guys whom you’re interested in. One of my female friends told me a story about a friend of hers. I’ll call her Cindy. They were shopping at a shoes store and there was a guy that was really attractive whom Cindy was interested in. My friend encouraged Cindy to say something to him but she thought “It would be too creepy.” Too creepy is just code word for the fear of rejection. Because she didn’t step outside of the norm to get what she wanted she ended up with nothing more than a pair of shoes. The man that interested her would of been blown away by a sincere compliment, or even an observational opener to start a conversation. I don’t think there are too many men who would hate a nice girl for opening a conversation.
If you want to learn the art of the cold approach you will have to first drop all of your misconceptions about the social norms you’ve been conditioned to accept. They’re nonsense. Discovering that you can actually start conversations with anyone, and that it’s OK and even awesome, is like waking up in the matrix and realizing you’ve been fed lies your whole life.
I’ve coached numerous clients on how to do cold approaches and one after another, they are always blown away by the things they didn’t think were possible.
The best way to do a cold approach is to walk up to the person of interest and just give them a sincere compliment. Don’t go in overbearing and smother it on too thick “OMG you’re beautiful like a summer sunset!”, just keep it simple “I like your sense of fashion” and authentic, and then move on past the compliment. Introduce your self and the conversation will go from there. If she/he isn’t interested then it will fizzle quickly. If she/he walks away don’t chase after her. That’s when you step into the creepy zone. Just let them walk away and you can carry on with that awesome feeling of knowing you are an action taker.
#4 – Coffee Shop & Grocery Store Observational Openers
Just like starting a conversation with a store clerk, if you’re not feeling brave enough for the cold approach this is the next step down. If you’re sitting near someone of interest at the coffee shop be observant and follow through with a comment based on that observation.
Someone with a big text book in front of them may shrug their shoulders and stretch their neck, obvious signs of a long day causing tension around the shoulders/neck, so comment on that “Long day studying?” I’ve met a lot of women this way while I was having a coffee and reading a book.
Or you might just say something about the boring weather if you can’t pick anything out of the immediate situation. Yep, even something as lame as the weather can be used to open a conversation. If you’re too worried about saying something interesting then you’re missing the point and probably won’t be able to meet someone this way. It’s not about saying the most interesting thing, it’s just about saying something, anything and starting a conversation. You won’t be the most interesting man/woman in the world but you may be the most interesting man/woman in the world at that moment to that person who was bored studying before you started talking.
Same thing with grocery stores, simple comment on his/her food selection can go a long way. You just have to start being observant about your environment and the people in it. There are endless conversations to be started on any number of things that can be seen at a glance.
#5 – Don’t Forget The Phone Number
Don’t chicken out at the end of the conversation and walk away without getting the number, or setting up a date. I’ve seen countless guys do really awesome opening a conversation with an attractive woman, only to walk away in the end shying away from asking for her number.
Make sure you ask for the number before taking off so you can set up a date later on. One thing to avoid though is to become a number hunter. A lot of guys will go around thinking they are king of the hill getting a whole bunch of numbers only to find in the end that nobody is responding to them.
Focus on creating connections with anyone you talk to. If it goes well and you feel chemistry then the next logical step is to get the number, but don’t be focused on getting phone numbers. They are completely useless before first creating a connection, and if you are focusing on getting phone numbers like a trophy hunter then most likely you are not focusing on having quality social interactions, and you will be left with a phone full of numbers and an empty calendar.
What About The Fear Of Rejection?
This is a big one that keeps most people from going out and truly getting what they want in life, and meeting high quality partners.
There isn’t an easy answer to this one. It comes down to you pushing your self past your fear and doing it anyways. Just like exposure therapy, you have to expose your self to the thing that you fear in order for that fear to start diminishing. You can take baby steps by joining social groups on meetup.com, and go networking and making friends to start getting over the fear of meeting random strangers and exercising your social skills.
As well you can do what I suggested in number one and start conversations with everybody. That really is the best way to get over the fear of rejection and start opening your self up to being ultra social. The end result will be a lot more dating options, and a great sense of confidence.
Finally you can get a coach to help guide you through this process. If you’re really stumped there is no reason why you have to go at it alone. An experienced coach can show you how to do it and get better results faster, and overcome your fear so you can meet potential partners in any situation.
Take action today so that you can discover a whole new exciting world of dating that you haven’t experienced before. Don’t become one of those statistics who went through their lives and ended up with regret because they didn’t take action to meet the people they wanted to meet.
Eddy is an international dating coach who has taught men for over two years what it took him almost ten years to develop. He is also a public speaker running seminars on dating in both the United States and Canada. Eddy shows men how they can meet women in any situation regardless of age or looks, and build confidence for life. He teaches social skills which can be applied to business, making friends, and creating relationships with the opposite sex. Eddy has interviewed some notable figures in the dating industry including Cajun of Love Systems, and Andy Yosha from Daygame.com.
For information on dating workshops and coaching he can be contacted at [email protected]